Season 2 Episode 6 Motivation DONE DONE DONE
Welcome back to the integrated leader podcast.
We're on a mission to help you transform into a more effective, empathetic and impactful leader, both professionally and personally.
. I'm your host, Lauren Marie and executive coach passionate and helping you unlock your potential.
Today, we're venturing into a realm that's profoundly relevant. The confluence of motivation and emotional intelligence. Now motivation is a term. We often throw around casually as if it's the mere gas in the tank that propels us forward. But let's pause and consider it as a complex psychological construct. It's the intricate interplay of our desires, fears, aspirations. And even our subconscious leanings.
It's the why behind our, what?
Now enter emotional intelligence. EEQ , this isn't just a buzzword. It's the multidimensional skillset that encompasses our ability to perceive, evaluate an influence emotions. Both our own and those of the people around us. Emotional intelligence is the lens through which we view our interpersonal world, the framework that shapes our social interactions. And the tools that enable us to make nuanced decisions. It's not just about being in touch with our feelings. It's about leveraging that awareness
to navigate the complex corridors of human relationships and organizational dynamics. So what happens when motivation meets emotional intelligence? It's akin to a chemical reaction that yields a compound more potent . Then it's individual elements. Emotional intelligence informs and enriches our motivation. Providing it with a layer of depth and complexity that transcends mere ambition or drive. It allows us to align our goals with our deepest values. To lead with both the vigor and compassion and to pursue success in a manner that is not just effective, but also emotionally sustainable.
Today, we'll be having a conversation with my friends and therapists, Kaleb Mitchell, and explore how mastering this can be a game changer and leadership and professional development. , so buckle up as we embark on this journey to better understand. The symbiotic relationship between motivation and emotional intelligence.
[00:02:34] Lauren Marie: Thank you for joining us, Caleb. I'm excited to begin talking about motivation, uh, , with you and hearing your perspective.
What role does emotional intelligence play And sustaining motivation for longterm goals.
[00:02:49] Caleb: When people start talking about their struggle with motivation, especially around. Emotional intelligence I'm reminded of Simon Sinek who asked the question, what is your why.
[00:03:02] Caleb: For leaders, I'm asking the question, where are you going? Where are you trying to get to? Which is a very different question than what I think a lot of leaders are asked, and that is, how will you win? When you start asking the question, how are you gonna win?
[00:03:17] Caleb: I think that actually over the long term becomes exhausting for everybody. And so I think the idea of where you're going, what are you trying to build? What is this long term goal that you have some time to get to? And I think that's actually key actually builds motivation because it means I get to learn and grow as a human versus I've got to somehow, Achieve something and then keep up that momentum for the rest of my life. So I don't lose, I don't know about you, but I know that the second way, that way of like winning and trying to stay on top feels exhausting versus the idea of I get to learn and grow over a long period of time.
[00:04:03] Caleb: And see what I make and what I create.
[00:04:07] Caleb: And I can go back to si, Simon Sinek. Whatever I'm creating and building is connected with who I am as a human. That feels so much more life giving and. Less exhausting to me than how will I win? How will I be the best
[00:04:19] Lauren Marie: what strategies can you recommend for setting realistic and achievable goals that will help motivation grow over time?
[00:04:27] Caleb: Three things come to mind. The first is to expand your life. You have to have more to your life than your work. We just weren't made to only work as humans, so it can't be everything.
[00:04:40] Caleb: A lot of times I see people who, their only friends are at work, which is not bad. That's, that's good to have friends at work, but for a leader, These are the people who,
[00:04:51] Caleb: because of the power differential, are there for you. And so to have even close friends at work, especially the ones who are working for you, , can get kind of messy. We advise
[00:05:03] Lauren Marie: that Kutzko Consulting, do not have friends that are your subordinates.
[00:05:07] Caleb: Don't do it. Yeah, and so that's why I always talk to leaders about who are your cul-de-sac friends?
[00:05:13] Caleb: Who are the people who live around you? Maybe they, no, don't actually live on your. Physical cul-de-sac, but who are the people that you bump shoulders with and that you can be friends with that you can go out to a bar with, that you can go to a game with who you can go to a concert with. People who you can like hang out on a Friday night sitting around a fire talking about life, cuz those are the people that you are going to have emotional connections with.
[00:05:43] Caleb: They provide safety that your employees cannot. I'm always an advocate of finding those places outside of work where you can actually feel safe and okay about yourself as a human. And that takes the pressure off of trying to be everything at work because you know that there are people who love you outside of work, the people who actually know who you are.
[00:06:08] Caleb: Versus this idea of who, who you are as the leader.
[00:06:12] Lauren Marie: I think it's also interesting when you have friends that don't know you as the leader, it allows you to know yourself as not a leader at the same time.
[00:06:20] Caleb: Right, exactly. Yeah. We can often hide behind that. label, right?
[00:06:24] Caleb: I think that's a great point. , find hobbies, find other things that you learn and grow in, and capture your imagination. Meditate, give your brain some space, , and some quiet. And then the other part about expanding your life is, Will you learn to love other people and love other experiences in life that help expand your own heart, your own soul, your own experience of the world around you?
[00:06:52] Caleb: I think that those are really helpful , In being motivated to, to experience life, , outside of just work. And so it actually relieves some of the pressure of what happens at work. It the, it's like, oh, I failed here, but I've got all these other places where things are really good even though this might really, really suck at work.
[00:07:12] Caleb: I've got all these other places that are, that are, filling and nurturing my soul. The other thing is to take care of your body, , what you eat, how you exercise. And I, I'm not. Saying it needs to be like off the charts, but how will you play? , some people talk about exercise as this like thing you gotta do to brutally fix your body, quote unquote.
[00:07:32] Caleb: But I'm talking about just movement, right? Like play pickleball. You, you can't really burn a ton of calories playing pickleball, but it's super fun. and then I think the last thing is, Be willing to take the long road, , motivation can be sustained with patient movement in a similar direction, and I think that that building, slowly, building for the long term and having some patience.
[00:08:00] Caleb: Actually settles us, but also gives us the motivation to continue because, there's not a ton of room for de-motivation , when, when you come up against failures and you know that this is part of a longer process, a lot of times the, the failures or the losses feel monumental because you're trying to win it now.
[00:08:22] Caleb: And so any setback feels like, oh, well we just lost it now. and so I think that having that view is a super helpful way to set the reasonable and achievable goals.
[00:08:34] Lauren Marie: How can I recognize and overcome self-sabotaging behaviors that are affecting my motivation?
[00:08:40] Caleb: I think the, the normal. Way of thinking about this is, okay, how do I somehow exert enough energy to become disciplined and crush this? And I think first off, you just need to listen to them. Maybe your behaviors are telling you something. Maybe you hate your job, maybe you don't like being a leader, maybe.
[00:09:00] Caleb: You never have. And so I think being able to listen to that honestly, helps you maybe take a different path that isn't so painful. The only job I've ever gotten fired from was a construction job where I was putting up cedar siding in the rain.
[00:09:18] Caleb: And to be quite honest, I was slow at it. I didn't work very hard and. Apparently my boss saw that and decided that he didn't need me anymore. But that self-sabotaging behavior was, I hated that my, my soul was being sucked out of me, working at this job on top of how horrible the job was. My boss was kind of a jerk too.
[00:09:41] Caleb: So I, but if I just listen to some of that self sabotaging behavior versus just trying to push through I might have quit earlier and done something else. and second, I think it can be helpful to look at maybe some of the underlying reasons for the behavior.
[00:09:59] Caleb: Uh, it might be that maybe some childhood experiences being triggered. maybe the environment feels too similar to some other environment that was painful. So maybe a coach or a therapist to help explore some of those behaviors could be helpful. I, I think. What I'm trying to say is I think I would listen to the self sabotaging behaviors versus just trying to get around them.
[00:10:25] Caleb: and then after you've listened to them, it, it could be helpful to figure out what's my choice? What, what do I want to actually do going forward? And I think that piece of realizing that you have some choice is really, really important.
[00:10:40] Lauren Marie: I'm glad you brought that up
[00:10:41] Lauren Marie: . The other thing that I have to remember is that I, I don't have to do it by myself, so maybe I don't know exactly how to hang the cedar.
[00:10:52] Lauren Marie: Siding and I'm frustrated that my drill isn't working quite right. I have so long hidden the fact that I needed help, that that then begins to wear down on the motivation. But you don't have to do it alone.
[00:11:07] Caleb: Yeah. Asking for help is a actually a really useful choice.
As we wrap up this conversation, it is interesting to talk about the intersection of emotional intelligence. And our why and where we're going.
So thank you for that framework. Galeb.
It's been a pleasure talking with you.
[00:11:23] Caleb: . it's always a pleasure to hang out Lauren.
Thank you for joining me today on this journey. And I look forward to continued exploration of emotional intelligence in the coming episodes.
. Remember. Business is personal. So let's be good at it.